I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
