I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
