Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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