I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
