Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
