i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
