You can't special order awesome
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize