so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
