Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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