U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
