FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
