You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
