it wasn't lemon gatorade
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
