it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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