I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
