that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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