Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
