I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
