ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
