I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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