i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
