He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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