no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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