I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
