ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
