Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
