just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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