I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
