ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize