meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
