got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
