you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
