I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
