why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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