Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
