Your dad touched me again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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