I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize