I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
