chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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