You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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