I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
