i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
