tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
