Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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