girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
