I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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