i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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