Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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