Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
