i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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