I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
