Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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