fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
