I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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