Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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