girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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