what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
