I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
