Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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