So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
