she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize