She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
