never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
