just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
