We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
