I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
