Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
