Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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