So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
