I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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