bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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